Transition

I love my life. Especially this past year. I was living in San Marcos, going to classes at Texas State University. I have the best roommate on the planet and wonderful friends. My apartment was in the perfect spot, where I could walk to school, the grocery store, and I could take a stroll to get downtown coffee. I could easily go hiking or walk down to the river. I went to small groups and bible studies with wonderful people and attended  churches I really liked. San Marcos really started to feel like home to me. I wouldn't have changed a thing about this past year. I learned a lot about myself, all while having so much fun. 

I just finished up my college classes and am starting my social work internship this week. I found an internship at a wonderful agency in San Antonio, which meant I needed to move back. I am almost done moving, but I haven't accepted this fact with as much grace as I'd hoped. For the most part, I've been trying to cling to my happy little life in San Marcos. I've been kinda sad, anxious and wallowing in it. I don't know if it looks like that from the outside, but I definitely feel it on the inside. 

Like a lot of us might do, I think I've been more focused on what I will be losing than all the things I could be gaining by this transition. I feel like the word "perspective" keeps coming to mind, and mine needs a little bit of a shift.

This past year may have been absolutely wonderful, but it doesn't mean I am meant to stay there. 
Sometimes we like our life stage so much that we don't want to leave it. Leaving our current stage may be uncomfortable, but sometimes that's what needs to happen for growth. When we do that, it allows for a new kind of joy to come in. This past season, I have felt more peace than I've felt in a long time. It's been such a gift and I have been overwhelmed with love and gratitude. I know I'll look back on this season with fondness. If i embrace this new season with gratitude, I'll all be able to do the same.

Part of me felt frustrated because I am tired of feeling uprooted. but I am reminded my home is with Him. I can make wherever I am feel like home if I embrace it. God has never failed me. He has always sent people who love me. He has always stretched and grown me. I think there's a times for everything. Sometimes that's comfort, and sometimes that is discomfort. Both are Good.

For me, it's about trusting his will, and being obedient. Being obedient right now means embracing this change - simply because this is where he's put me for now - and replacing my fear with curiosity. Replacing my resistance with trust and gratitude. 

For everything you gain, you lose something else. For everything you lose, you gain something else. So why not unclench my little fists, and open my hands so He can take away or lay what he wants into them? He is Good. He is worthy of Trust. He is a Father that loves his Children. 
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"Sometimes we forget that God comes to us, not only to give us peace, but also to disturb us. He comforts the afflicted and he afflict the comfortable." - John Powell (Excerpt from the Blue Book by Jim Branch) 
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"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. "

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"Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

seen & unseen

Sometimes we have experiences where it's easy to see the fruit that came out of it. And then we have other seasons or experiences that we feel we can only ask God, "Why did that happen? Where is the fruit in that? Did ANYTHING good come from that?" For years I wondered why a situation happened and saw no good that came from it. Only hurt, and what seemed to be like an absence of healing. My biggest dilemma was the question, "How on earth did this bring you any glory? What was the purpose of you allowing this?"

Sometimes we simply can't see good out of something that was a hard season for us. Just because we don't see the good, doesn't meant that it's not there. A joyful man, who went through some hard things in life, once told me, "It's not what happened, It's how you see it." I am learning that we can choose what we see when we look back.

This past season has been so sweet for me. I have been living in San Marcos and have loved everything about it. I was thinking and looking back on the last few years, and intentionally thinking about what I was grateful for. What I noticed was that I was grateful for things that probably wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for that situation, the people I met then or the hard season a long time ago. Of the jobs I had, people I met, churches I've been a part of, my apartment and roommate, almost all traced back to that one season of life years ago. Sometimes we don't see the good right away. Sometimes it takes a little while for God to allow us to see what he was doing, or the good that can come from any situation. I'm thankful God has opened my eyes a little to take a step back, be grateful, and see all the gifts he's given me - more than I could ever deserve or hope for. It  makes me think of that verse..."20Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,.." I'm also learning to be grateful for those kinds of seasons that seem hard to me, waiting in hope that He will bring glory and beauty, knowing I don't see the full picture of what's happening. He isn't a God of destruction, but a God of Power and strength that brings beauty from ashes.


"There is nothing—no thing, no person, no experience, no thought, no joy or pain—that cannot be harvested and used for nourishment on our journey to God.    What I am suggesting here is that everything in your life is a stepping-stone to holiness if only you recognize that you do have within you the grace to be present to each moment.  Your presence is an energy that you can choose to give or not give.  Every experience, every thought, every word, every person in your life is a part of a larger picture of your growth.  That’s why I call them crumbs.  They are not the whole loaf, but they can be nourishing if you give them your real presence.  Let everything energize you.  Let everything bless you.  Even your limping can bless you." (A Tree Full of Angels by Macrina Wiederkehr)